It's Even Worse Than We Thought

I kept hearing about the Creation Museum* being built in Kentucky. Then, there was a lot of buzz about it's upcoming opening. Then, there were emails flying about the Rally For Reason endorsed by American Atheists.

Well, they had the rally and the museum opened and I yawned. I gave it all a sort of mental shrug. What, me worry? Wasn't this just another example of the inexplicable nonsense we've come to expect at a time when the President of the United States thinks his god** told him to invade the Middle East?

I should have paid more attention. A lot more attention, folks. You have got to read this for yourselves.

Fun at the Creation Museum!!!! (my field trip to Crazyland)
-Daily Kos, June 9, 2007




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* whose unscientific motto is, Prepare to Believe

** when of course, as everyone knows, the only one true god and creator of the universe is the Flying Spaghetti Monster, who told him to do no such thing.

As many of you know, I'm a Pastafarian. Once in a while I like to check out the Hate Mail (and concerned criticism) section of the Prophet's (Bobby Henderson), website, The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM).

Here's a sampling:

It is my considered view that you are poisoning the minds of the worlds [sic] youth with your outrageous claims that a Flying Spagetti [sic] Monster (”FSM”) created the universe and not our Heavenly Father.

This is what happens when people don't read the fine print. Evidently, this person thinks the Prophet said that the FSM created the universe, but did NOT create "our Heavenly Father." (I love the "considered view" part.)

Here's one from a logical thinker:

Seriously think about this logically. How can a flying spaghetti “whatever” live or make something? If we are made in Gods [sic] image, I’m not spaghetti am I? you have probably ruined millions of people’s lives.

This one is at least instructive:

Woah…. [sic] that is just so..so…dumb. Really, it is. I hope no one actually thinks that that graph has any purpose, or credibility. Global warming and pirates have nothing in correlation. The reason global temperatures have increased is due to (not only just greenhouse gas, which actually do not contribute much overall) the earth’s natural process of heating and cooling. Pirate numbers have decreased because the practice is far less accepted and is more easily restricted.

My favorite title is:

I’m very against this site.

I like it even better than "jesus loves you bobby." I think what appeals to me most is the combination of the sophomoric "very" and the word "against," as if there's going to be a referendum on Saturday.

I hope you'll enjoy browsing as much as I have today.

May you be touched by His Noodly Appendage,
RAmen.

A Very Merry PC Whatever!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS !

I Believe It Can Fly

I've given this a lot of thought, and I've decided to convert to Pastafarianism, or as some prefer to call it, FSMism. Yes, I have decided to become a member of The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. I have written to the Prophet, Bobby Henderson, to find out if I have to be dipped in some sort of Sacred Sauce first (mainly because if so, Tomcat said he would want to watch.) I want to do this right.

I was touched by His Noodly Appendage (the FSM's, that is,) some time ago when The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was revealed.

It is important to me to become a Pastafarian, and here is why: if a local school board confuses religion with science, insisting that Intelligent Design (formerly known as "Creationism,") should be taught to our children in science class as an alternative to evolution, I can be there to demand that our equally valid theory of creation, namely, that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster, will be taught as an alternative. As the Prophet said, we have no problem with religion, except when religion poses as science. This has actually happened in Kansas City. Oh look, here is a nice poster about their Science Museum. It is my solemn, nay, sacred duty as a Pastafarian to ensure that our nation's future scientists will get equal exposure to our theory of creation wherever intelligent design is taught.

May you, too, be touched by His Noodly Appendage.



RAmen.

DON'T THINK. BELIEVE.

Fellow FSM Believers,

Last night I was touched by the Prophet of His Noodly Appendage Himself, for into my Inbox was thrust the following communique, like unto an e-mail.  This is indeed a Holy Day.

Fellow Believers,

Our day has finally arrived! The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is at last here. Maybe not inscribed on stone tablets, but it is a book.  And maybe not THE Good Book, but at least A Good Book.

Delivering His Divine Message is my life�s work, and as I�ve said before, all proceeds from the book will go toward our pirate ship fund. Because as you know, global warming is the direct effect of the declining number of pirates, and His Noodliness, while he endorses boiling pasta, is against boiling the planet.  With your help, and with the sails blowing on our bad-ass pirate ship (with flags, cannons, and weevils in the flour barrels below deck), we can spread His Word and save the environment at the same time.

Remember that ours is a small boutique religion, but we have BIG ideas (some, arguably a bit al dente) and we must share this rich booty of ideas with others. Within the pages of The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, you will find FSM history, helpful propaganda, scientific evidence of His existence (including the 100% verifiable fact that no one has sued any school boards about us), as well as pictures and illustrations that surely test the limits of copyright law. But as pioneers we�re not afraid of a little controversy.

Since The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster goes on sale tomorrow, March 28th is a Holy day. I encourage you to dress in your Pirate�s best�paint one of your pant legs to resemble a wood finish, maybe wear an eye patch or get a parrot, and eat some cacciatore with a side of linguine. Then, go to your local bookstore to let them know that The Church of FSM is strong in your community. I can honestly say that if everyone on this e-mail list goes out and buys the book, it will be a bestseller. That would certainly get some people�s attention.

Our future is in our own hands.  And in His noodly appendage.
 
Ramen.
Bobby Henderson
Prophet

Available today at Amazon, B&N, and Powells.